It Has to Start Young

I can across an interesting piece today on About.com that focuses on parenting teens. This particular segment of the site, About.com:Teens, provides insightful information for those of us navigating the troubled waters of teen parenting. One specific entry offered clear steps for teaching teens how to respect adults. While I think this is valuable, I have to ask why these things were not made a priority long before a child reaches their teen years? Respect isn't something that you wait until a child is almost out of the house to teach or demonstrate - it should be a priority from birth.

Christianity Today offers some great teaching tools to use when children are younger, especially for those parents willing to put in the leg work to teach their children the proper way to act. What has the most impact in this piece is that it highlights that no matter what we teach, children will learn by our actions. I cannot remember the number of times my children would point out to me something that I was doing that contradicted with what I said. They are smarter than we think and they pick up on everything.

For moms especially, demonstrate respect from the time your children are young, and expect that others respect you as well. Do not allow your husband, boyfriend or anyone else to degrade you or you demonstrate to your children that you are not worthy of respect. This is so crucial as what you teach them as children will be how they behave as adults.

Passing the Buck Won't Cut It

It should be well understood that parents play a significant role in the way their children behave. This is not to say that poor parenting is the cause when a child throws a tantrum in public, although I did believe this until I had my daughter and recognized that some children will act out their emotions no matter what the parent does to prevent it. Instead, it is how the parent reacts to the situation that leads to improvement and growth.

This is not to say that I have perfected this. Instead, I am grateful that we survived the temper tantrum years without too many disruptions of the public peace. I did learn some valuable lessons in the process, the most prominent was that while I couldn't control my daughter's behavior, I could anticipate it if I paid attention. For instance, if she was overly tired, we were sure to have an episode.

In our busy lives today, it is difficult to slow down enough to pick up on the cues that our children give us, but they are there. Instead, we often find ourselves relying on others to pick up our slack and then wonder where things went wrong.

I found an excellent piece written by Dom Giordano and posted in the Parent Society blog. While the piece was titled, "Battling Bratty Behavior", the idea of parents passing the buck can be applied anywhere a child displays less than a desirable disposition. What I like about this piece is that it puts responsibility back on the parents for their role in parenting their children.

Sure, we can blame television, movies, books, teachers, other children, etc. for the way our children behave. And, yes, they will pick up on some very exasperating attitudes and habits if left unchecked. The reality is that parents MUST understand that it is their job to provide guidance to their kids so they know how to handle these things. Children are not adults and they cannot navigate this complex world on their own.

Click here to check out what Giordano has to say about respect. I know you will find it worth our time.

A Little Respect for Friday

Rough Housing to Gain Respect?

Rough housing is an interesting topic of conversation among parents. For some, it is inappropriate to behave in such a way and this type of interaction between parent and child never occurs. For others, it is a great method of bonding between the parent and the child and therefore is an important part of family time.

According to a piece posted on Husbands and Dads, it can be used as a fun way for dads and kids to connect. It can even be healthy, as demonstrated by this excerpt:

"The article that best captured my sentiments was called Roughhousing from Parent Super Site. The author Dr. Ken R. Canfield of the National Center for Fathering said:

'Through this kind of play, your kids learn some of the first lessons about loving authority. According to Jim and Charles Fay, roughhousing teaches your kids that you love them, that you’re strong enough to control them, and that you won’t control them unless it’s necessary. Your kids learn that you’re powerful and kind and gentle at the same time.'"

As twisted as it may sound, putting your child in a mock choke-hold does show dominance and is likely to earn respect. The only problem is that this move takes a different turn as the child gets older and more sophisticated methods – that don’t require physical force or even contact – must be used.