A Real Housewife?

OK, so I don't have cable or satellite television. It isn't a money issue - at least not one that you would assume. Yes, we can afford it. No, we don't want to pay for it. So, there are a number of cable or satellite shows that I have never seen. One of these is I believe is called, "Real Housewives"? I may have the title wrong, but I learned that I wasn't really missing much.

Yes, I am a writer by profession and I bring home the bacon right along with my husband. But, I also take care of the house and the kids - in a way, a Housewife.

In my world, I am trying to keep track such things as the kids, if we have enough toilet paper, what I will make for supper, where we are supposed to be and when, if the bills are paid, etc. I think you get the point. I can't remember the last time I got my hair cut and unless I mark it on the calendar, I can't remember when my period should start.

I don't have time for hair extensions, breast enhancements, botox or anything else that will make me more "something" to my husband or anyone else. And, in reality, most of the people I know don't either. Amazingly enough, my husband doesn't mind that I look my age.

Thanks, Bravo! for letting the world know just how fake real American housewives really aren't!

The Grandparents

I have a friend who has been in a stand-off with her mother-in-law for more than a year now. Some may hear that and assume selfish pride is the issue. Sure, it is possible that one or the other is letting pride get in the way; but in this particular case, I agree with my friend.

The dispute started because grandma tried to supersede mom in the authority of the children. One particular incident - "the incident" - included grandma overriding mom's decision in front of my friend's son. In such a situation, how does a child know who is in charge?

In this situation, grandma was out of line. Unless the safety of the child is involved - and in this case, it wasn't - grandma had her chance to raise her own kids. Now is the time to step back and remember grandma's place is to love and spoil.

The saddest part of this situation is that because grandma does not respect mom's role in the family, grandma isn't welcome in their home any longer. A tall price to pay for a little pride.

The Use of Time

I talked with a friend today who was telling me the amount of free time she did not have to spend with her kids. When I asked her what the problem was, she listed off all the activities that he children were involved with and how much time each of these activities took.

Now, this mom is only a mother of two children, but she listed 8 activities. 8! How many of these activities did her kids actually asked to be involved in? Not one of them.

I don't completely blame her as it is important for kids to be involved in important activities instead of sitting around all day, every day. On the other hand, what 's wrong with a lazy summer day once in a while? When will your child ever have that opportunity once he or she is grown?

So, my friend, eliminate some of those activities and spend time getting to know your kids!

Junk for Sale

I just read one of the best articles I have come across in a long time. Of course, I use the "best" description simply because I agreed with everything the author wrote. This particular piece covered the area of items created to protect children from the most dangerous of all things: life. You can find items to test bath water, helmets to protect heads when learning to walk and heaters for baby wipes. Anything you can think of to make a baby's life more pleasant is readily available - for a price.

What many parents fail to realize when indulging in these products is they are denying their child the experience of learning life as it is. In creating a false sense of the world where nothing hurts and everything is warm and comfy, how harsh will that reality be when they finally discover the truth?

Unfortunately, common sense in this area has escaped many a parent today and the generation being raised will be of the high maintenance sort. I hope my kids are able to find mates who don't expect their socks to be warm before they put them on, but what are the odds?

Please Respect My Time

Most of us have had the experience of waiting in the doctor's office, waiting on hold for the appropriate person or simply waiting in line at the grocery store. While some wait times are inevitable - there is really little you can do about the wait in the grocery store - others are created by someone's choice.

When we wait for long periods of time in the doctor's office, it is because too many people have been scheduled for a given period of time. While certain delays can be unavoidable, is there ever a really good reason to keep someone waiting for nearly an hour each time they visit?

I selected my recent doctor not because he had a wonderful bedside manner or had the highest credentials. I selected him for the simple fact that he showed a sincere respect for my time. Not only is he consistent in only keeping me waiting less than 15 minutes on each visit, he also apologizes for any wait, even if it is minimal.

So my question is this - do we select the companies or individuals with which we do business based on their demonstration - or lack thereof - of a respect of our time?

Why is it so difficult to get people to volunteer?

As someone who has a tendency to take on leadership roles - a nice way of saying that I like to control things - I find one of the most challenging things to do is to get people to volunteer to take on some of the work. Even in a "team" setting, it is still difficult to get people to step up to the plate and take on responsibility. Why is that?

I realize that statistics find that people are more willing to volunteer when they are asked directly. Vary rarely do people like to put themselves out there, even if they believe in the cause. Therefore, we have the common theme - 90% of the work done by 10% of the people.

While this may be the norm, is it really what is good for the overall result? How many ideas are we missing out on because people are too afraid to speak up? Are we missing the big picture because those that do volunteer are too like minded?

I know this is a common theme throughout organizations around the country. And, while it may have little to do with respect on the surface, it actually has much to do with it overall. Consider this - if people within these organizations really respected the time of the leader and the value they contribute, would it be so hard to distribute the work? Let me know what you think.

Mailbox Vandals Provide Conversation Starter

Living out in a rural community, it is not uncommon to see mailboxes that have been smashed by someone with nothing but time on their hands. More than once, we have returned home or woken from a peaceful night to find that someone had decided to practice their bat swing on our box. We don't take it personally, but it is annoying to reshape the box back to its original shape and size - or as close as possible. No sense in buying a new one just to have it smashed again. Something about that bright, shinning box makes it that much more appealing to those who seek to disfigure it.

While such destruction of our property has little impact on my husband or I - as we have accepted it as a part of rural life - the same cannot be said for our daughter. The first time she became aware of a mailbox incident, she was probably only five years old, but it bothered her greatly that someone had done something like that to our box. Granted, she had no attachment to the mailbox, but the fact that it was ours and someone was so careless with it had a significant impact on her.

This incident made it clear to me that my daughter had developed a sense of respect for property. We had always tried to demonstrate that and discussed where appropriate, but in reality, parents are never sure anything sticks until it is put to the test. At that moment, we knew that she had understood how important it is to respect the property of others, especially if you expect the same in return. This is likely the reason why she was so upset - she knew none of us had attacked another mailbox.

An interesting website: More4Kids.info provided a quality piece on teaching children how to respect property by starting with the Golden Rule. The thing I liked best about this article was that it highlighted how important it is that we practice what we preach. It is much harder for children to develop bad habits if they don't have the experience first hand.

Respect is Consistency

Respect is certainly a concept that is used in a variety of different ways and people have different expectations, depending upon their gender, age, culture, etc. What tends to be a common theme among Americans is that we often want to fall back on respect when it is convenient, but not as a rule.

An Associated Content post examined the art of earning respect as a leader. The author of this piece categorized earning respect according to the segment of the audience. If you are seeking respect from children, you should do A, if you are seeking respect from adults, you should do B.

While this piece is very interesting, if we demonstrate and command respect as an everyday part of our lives, does the audience really make any difference? I wonder instead if the author of this piece is confusing respect with adoration or emulation. Convincing a group of people to follow you is the not the same thing as earning their respect.

Instead, respect is born of consistency and solid character. If a person ensures that their attitude, demands, actions and conversations are controlled and consistent, they are much more likely to earn respect with little effort. Respect is rarely something that has to be demanded, but can be easily earned.

Dads: Talk to Your Kids

It is interesting to notice the role that dads will play in the lives of their children. Often, these men will be the ones who demonstrate how to rough house or they will introduce their son or daughter to the world of sports. Dad may be the one who leads the child to a specific career or teaches him or her how to cook.

While the individual roles dads can play tend to vary from one family to the next, one important element should enter into the relationship between the father and the child - communication. While I realize this tends to take the man out of his comfort zone, it really only has to feel strange until it becomes habit. And, this habit can be a key driver that will determine the ultimate relationship between father and child. It will also determine how that child views the world and their place in it.

For a long time our society has devalued the role that men play in the lives of their children. Sure, there are men who make lousy fathers, but that is a direct result of their character, not their gender. Overall, men play a vital role in the development of a child and communication is an important part of their interaction. Start the regular practice of conversations with children at a young age and when they become older, it won't be as awkward. In doing so, the child will grow to respect the father as a result of honoring his position in his or her life and the implications will be far-reaching.