It Has to Start Young

I can across an interesting piece today on About.com that focuses on parenting teens. This particular segment of the site, About.com:Teens, provides insightful information for those of us navigating the troubled waters of teen parenting. One specific entry offered clear steps for teaching teens how to respect adults. While I think this is valuable, I have to ask why these things were not made a priority long before a child reaches their teen years? Respect isn't something that you wait until a child is almost out of the house to teach or demonstrate - it should be a priority from birth.

Christianity Today offers some great teaching tools to use when children are younger, especially for those parents willing to put in the leg work to teach their children the proper way to act. What has the most impact in this piece is that it highlights that no matter what we teach, children will learn by our actions. I cannot remember the number of times my children would point out to me something that I was doing that contradicted with what I said. They are smarter than we think and they pick up on everything.

For moms especially, demonstrate respect from the time your children are young, and expect that others respect you as well. Do not allow your husband, boyfriend or anyone else to degrade you or you demonstrate to your children that you are not worthy of respect. This is so crucial as what you teach them as children will be how they behave as adults.

Passing the Buck Won't Cut It

It should be well understood that parents play a significant role in the way their children behave. This is not to say that poor parenting is the cause when a child throws a tantrum in public, although I did believe this until I had my daughter and recognized that some children will act out their emotions no matter what the parent does to prevent it. Instead, it is how the parent reacts to the situation that leads to improvement and growth.

This is not to say that I have perfected this. Instead, I am grateful that we survived the temper tantrum years without too many disruptions of the public peace. I did learn some valuable lessons in the process, the most prominent was that while I couldn't control my daughter's behavior, I could anticipate it if I paid attention. For instance, if she was overly tired, we were sure to have an episode.

In our busy lives today, it is difficult to slow down enough to pick up on the cues that our children give us, but they are there. Instead, we often find ourselves relying on others to pick up our slack and then wonder where things went wrong.

I found an excellent piece written by Dom Giordano and posted in the Parent Society blog. While the piece was titled, "Battling Bratty Behavior", the idea of parents passing the buck can be applied anywhere a child displays less than a desirable disposition. What I like about this piece is that it puts responsibility back on the parents for their role in parenting their children.

Sure, we can blame television, movies, books, teachers, other children, etc. for the way our children behave. And, yes, they will pick up on some very exasperating attitudes and habits if left unchecked. The reality is that parents MUST understand that it is their job to provide guidance to their kids so they know how to handle these things. Children are not adults and they cannot navigate this complex world on their own.

Click here to check out what Giordano has to say about respect. I know you will find it worth our time.

A Little Respect for Friday

Rough Housing to Gain Respect?

Rough housing is an interesting topic of conversation among parents. For some, it is inappropriate to behave in such a way and this type of interaction between parent and child never occurs. For others, it is a great method of bonding between the parent and the child and therefore is an important part of family time.

According to a piece posted on Husbands and Dads, it can be used as a fun way for dads and kids to connect. It can even be healthy, as demonstrated by this excerpt:

"The article that best captured my sentiments was called Roughhousing from Parent Super Site. The author Dr. Ken R. Canfield of the National Center for Fathering said:

'Through this kind of play, your kids learn some of the first lessons about loving authority. According to Jim and Charles Fay, roughhousing teaches your kids that you love them, that you’re strong enough to control them, and that you won’t control them unless it’s necessary. Your kids learn that you’re powerful and kind and gentle at the same time.'"

As twisted as it may sound, putting your child in a mock choke-hold does show dominance and is likely to earn respect. The only problem is that this move takes a different turn as the child gets older and more sophisticated methods – that don’t require physical force or even contact – must be used.

Teachers Rate an F in Communication

When was the last time you spent more than just a few minutes within the walls of your son or daughter’s school? Sure, holiday parties are coming up and many of us enter this unfamiliar territory to entertain the kids for an hour before we escape back into our safe non-school worlds. While we may love being there for our children, images of our own school days often come flashing back and we run for the parking lot as soon as possible.

But, if we swallow that uncertainty to take a step outside of our comfort zones and actually spend some time at school, what do you think you would find? Depending on where the school is located, you may find metal detectors, or police officers, or maybe you see boots and hats on kids in more rural areas. The location is not nearly as important as the level of education that is provided in the school. That education is delivered by those who sometimes can and other times cannot communicate effectively.

Having spent many hours in our local elementary school either volunteering or substitute teaching, I have noticed a common theme among certain teachers. There is a common belief that yelling at a child in front of others delivers the sought after result – obedience. What the teacher often fails to see is the look of hurt and humiliation on the face of the child as they walk away.

So, my question is – why is it necessary to humiliate a child in order to derive obedience in a school setting? We abhor bullies and we have strict policies against leaving children out of parties and the like, but when it comes to teachers we are simply to look the other way?

In the substitute teaching role, I have never experienced a time when it was necessary to yell or scream at a child in front of other children in order to get them to do or stop doing something. Have certain teachers never been taught how to use discretion when addressing an issue with a student? Or, does it not matter? Let me know your thoughts!

Misguided Methods for Demanding Respect

There is a fine line between respect born of honor and position and that derived from disciplinary actions. The former is more likely to last a lifetime, where the latter often turns to hate, resentment and torn relationships.

I recently came across a blog where the author, Geoff Oldfather, wrote about an incident in Florida where a 16 year old girl punched her father in the face when he attempted to spank her. If ever someone wanted a controversial issue over which to argue, this is definitely one of them.

To make matters even more complicated, the teen has been charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. The incident reportedly happened as a result of a fight between father and daughter over something being broken.

Now, to make things clear, I am not opposed to spanking a child. I learned much in my younger years from this form of discipline and used it on my own children when they were too young to understand larger consequences.

Where my view of this issue changes is when we examine the age of the girl. At 16 years old, she is much too old to be spanked as a form of punishment. What fathers may fail to understand is that a young woman of that age does not view spanking as punishment, but rather humiliation and abuse. It does not generate or build on respect, but instead resentment and disdain.

Legal authorities in this situation need to re-examine their approach with this young girl and with the father that is parenting her. If spanking is the only form of parenting he understands, he needs help. The situation will not improve without it.

Long Hair Boys: Is it Really Worth the Debate?

There has been an interesting phenomenon in our culture surrounding the debate between those who believe that boys should be able to have long hair and those that do not. What is most interesting is that this debate has been going on for generations, often with the same discussions taking place.

With our teenage son, we have had this same debate. Like his mother, his hair is very thick and has nice body to it. What this means for his locks is that it can get rather unruly. His father, being very traditional, believes that the long hair is unnecessary and should be cut – often forgetting the length of his own hair when we first met.

In this particular issue, it is easy for us as parents to worry what other people will think of us or our parenting when we allow our son to wear his hair in this way. What we really should be concerned with is whether or not other people are viewing our son as the great kid he is, or immediately passing judgment based on the way he wears his hair.

The length of hair on boys has been a significant topic in Texas this past year. Several news sites and blogs have touched on the issue. One news site discussed the obstacles four boys were facing at school. It seems the length of their hair was in question as a violation of the school’s dress code. Another site offered support from parents who believed these boys should be able to wear their hair any way they desired.

Probably the biggest challenge here is determining what the battle really is. Are we battling with our kids to get them to look and dress they way we want? Are we trying to get our kids to conform to social norms with no real basis? Or, are we trying to protect them from the judgments of others?

As a teen, our son is navigating the unstable waters of adolescence and in his attempt to find his place in this world, he is exploring different aspects of who he wants to be. Right now, he wants to be a teenager who wears his hair long and out of control while he plays in a band with his friends. While it might mean that he may lose respect from others who will quickly judge him on his looks, it could also mean that he respects himself for staying true to who he believes he is.

Should Respect be Given to Teens?

How often do we assume that respect and teenagers are never synonymous? I’m sure many of us can name more than one occasion when we came across a teenager that we assumed was from another planet, given their behavior. If you look around at their peers, chances are that their behavior is more common that we care to believe.

I came across a Telepictures Blog where visitors were encouraged to share their thoughts about what I assume was a program concerning parents and respect. What was alarming was not the topic of the show itself, but rather the numerous parents who wrote into this site to ask why their teenagers were treating them so poorly or what they should be doing differently.

At this stage of development for teens, they are doing everything they can to determine where exactly they fit in this very big world. If we as parents have failed to act as their guide along the way, they will reach this time in their lives confused, angry and lashing out at – guess who?

One interesting perspective was found on the Trouble With website. This site is part of the Focus on the Family organization and it features an advice-type page. This particular question focused on parents respecting teens, yet struggling with the teen not respecting the parents.

There is a valid point when a teen claims that they are not being respected. The challenge is how to identify when a teen truly deserves respect when you are frustrated with their attitude towards you. Too often, we get so wrapped up in trying to fix the attitude, we cannot see the person inside crying out for space and identity.

This is an area we will continue to explore as it is not a completely cut and dry issue, but instead one to share our experiences, failures and successes in order to make an impact.

Respect versus Fear

When you look around at society today, do you ever wonder why respect has disappeared? I have a theory. I believe that for years, people believed that respect was synonymous with fear. As laws emerged protecting kids and individuals from aggression from those bigger than themselves, fear relinquished and respect along with it.

An entry on the EQI website explored the origins of respect. Throughout the animal kingdom there is a distinct difference between fear and respect. This piece highlights how respect can mean the difference between life and death. In very early generations, where there was not enough food or shelter for everyone in a village or community, those without respect were the first to die.

In saying this, in no way am I suggesting that we go back to this way of life. Instead, it is important to understand the origins of respect and the impact that this makes on society. However, the point is very much the same – throughout the world where respect is lacking, people do die. Fortunately, this is not necessarily a way of life in the U.S., but it is how people can get hurt.

A lack of respect in our community is not just obvious in our kids. It is obvious in the way we treat each other on the roads, in a busy store or even in print. To bring this respect back to our community and implement it into our interactions, it is not fear that is needed, but honor instead.

Check back as we continue to examine fear versus respect.

Respect - Consistency is the Key

One of the biggest challenges in building respect within the home is to be consistent. While my husband and I do make respect a priority in the way we raise our kids, it can be very easy to slip into other patterns when life gets busy and we feel tired and stressed. Most often, when we observe parents dropping the ball, it is most likely due to these reasons.

While finding enough time for sleep and learning to relieve stress are topics for another day, it is possible to continue on the path for respect even when life seems to be ganging up on you. And, chances are, if you implement some of these basic things, stress may lighten in the process.

One article that I came across on Teach-nology.com, “Respect – How to Teach it and How to Show It,” provides very basic tips on molding respectful kids. In fact, many of these things have been touted by parenting magazines for years, but rarely in association with respect.

This lack of association seems to have permeated throughout our current generations and as a result, we have lost sight of some of the core values that help to build strong character.

A Whole Family article explores this phenomenon and how certain attributes of different generations have led to a change in the way we raise our kids. This piece, “Teaching Children Respect in the Age of Equality,” highlights that teaching children respect is not in effort to build our ego, but rather to help mold individuals with character qualities that will sustain them throughout their lives.

Building this character through respect is not an easy task, but it is a possible one. Check back with us as we continue to explore methods for empowering and supporting each other in this important task.

Respect Must Start at Home

The idea of respect is an interesting one as it is something that we will often try and demand without ever considering our role in a situation. Yes, I expect my children to respect me, but what role do I play in the parent/child relationship that dictates that this respect will be demonstrated?

I came across an interesting piece on the Family Education website entitled, “Respect Your Children and Yourself.” While I don’t necessarily agree with every word of this article, I do appreciate the approach that it takes in arguing that children will learn from example. If we do not respect ourselves, can we expect our children to respect us?

No matter what the situation, I would never support a child disrespecting his or her mother. Yet it happens time and again. Unfortunately, the mother often allows it to happen, even when she deserves so much better. What always appears to be consistent in these situations is that the woman does not respect herself enough to demand it from her children.

While you may wonder how I could so easily determine whether or not a woman respects herself, it really does not take any special training to observe this phenomenon. Look at any female at work, school, the grocery store, etc. Does she walk with her head up or down? Does she carry herself with purpose or is she just moving through the motions? How is she interacting with others, if she is interacting at all?

Believe it or not, the things that we don’t say communicate so much more about us than we ever care to realize. And until we respect ourselves enough to show the world with our actions, we will struggle to get it from those who live in our own homes.

Celebrity Obsessions

I was searching USAToday in the Life section of this online publication and was amazed to see how many news pieces were available for further reading if I just wanted to know more about this or that celebrity. While I’m sure this information is intriguing to some, it is not what I had in mind when I was looking for things about Life in the USA.

Unfortunately, too much of our lives are supposed to be modeled around the fictional world created by celebrities and their too oft-reported lives. How realistic is it for us to follow the everyday happenings of these individuals who live so differently than the rest of us? Is it healthy for us to continue to demand more and more information about them when it is just a constant reminder that we will never have the same amount of fame or money?

One Buzzle article refers to the obsession with celebrities as an attractive addiction that allows people to get their ‘fix’. Unfortunately, this culture is demonstrating for our kids that these are the type of people we should idolize. We don’t know what is really happening in Washington because Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are going to have another baby.

An Associated Content piece referred to the media craze around Anna Nicole’s death and the subsequent quest to determine the father of her baby girl. My heart broke for that baby as she was born into a world of disorder and misplaced values over which she will have no control. Will respect be a word in her vocabulary?

I find that I have a more difficult time respecting myself when I compare myself to others. Sure, I can boost my self-esteem in certain situations, but should my self-worth be based on the choices made by others? Do I expect people in my life to respect me less because I am not rich or famous?

This fascination will continue to amaze me. And, I have to admit that there are a few names that will get my attention when I hear them mentioned. But, at the end of the day, I want to be able to be proud of who I am and happy with the choices I made.

Is Hollywood Molding our Men?

One of my favorite television shows to watch when I really just want to relax without using my brain is the ABC sitcom, According to Jim. Perhaps it is my long admiration of Courtney-Thorne Smith from her Melrose Place days, or of Kimberly Williams-Paisley as the darling bride in Steve Martin’s Father of the Bride.

Either way, I get a big kick out of the cast and find myself becoming immersed in the comedy of those short 22 minutes. My husband, on the other hand, is not a big fan of my viewing choices. In fact, he often cringes at many sitcoms on air today as they do frequently depict men as the moron of the family instead of the respected head of the household.

There is an interesting article in the Los Angeles Times that examines the changing role of men over the past few decades – in television and in reality. The biggest question asked – What Kind of Example is Hollywood Setting?

Entertainment – especially those options that are provided by Hollywood – influences so much of how we view life now that it often dictates how we should think, feel and believe. What’s worse is that this is often how people in other countries view Americans, judging us by the behavior of characters on television instead of learning about reality.

The biggest question isn’t so much whether or not men should be depicted this way. Instead, it is an examination into the molding of our young boys and evaluating whether or not it is having a negative impact. If it is – what do we do about it? Let me know your thoughts.

3 Steps to Setting Boundaries

The idea of boundaries has garnered much attention in the media as of late due to the opportunity to drive revenue in the self-help section of the bookstore. We all want to learn how to improve our lives and one area of recommendation is to set boundaries.

Now, I will be the first to admit that after participating in a boundaries class, I was able to improve many of my relationships just because I was provided with the tools to establish where I should allow people in and where I should put up walls or “boundaries.”

More importantly than what I can gain from such ideas is the establishment of boundaries within our home so that our children understand what is accepted and what is not. To do so, there are three simple steps to follow:

1. Establish Rules
2. Determine Consequences for Breaking the Rules
3. Be Consistent in Enforcing Those Rules

If it really is so simple to establish boundaries for kids, why do we so often fail? The most obvious answer is consistency – it is the hardest thing to be as a parent. Unfortunately, being inconsistent as a parent also has the greatest consequences as children will not understand or adhere to your boundaries if they are confused as to what they are or what will happen if they break the rules.

“The Importance of Setting Boundaries,” a piece written by Lorelei McCollough on FamilyMatters.tv highlights the importance of setting boundaries. McCollough clearly defines the benefits delivered to both children and parents when boundaries are set, as well as the real impact on a child when a parent fails to set boundaries – for whatever reason.

About.com also features an article Derek and Gail Randel entitled, “Boundaries: Why are They Needed?” This well-thought piece examines reasons why boundaries are necessary and how parents can go about establishing boundaries to help their children to grow into respectful adults.

Not all boundaries will be the same for every child as rules and values can vary by family. What is important is that the adults in the household establish those boundaries according to their beliefs and value system and adhere to them firmly. By remembering and implementing these three simple steps, you will be on your way to creating a more positive environment for you and your child.

The Clothes We Wear

Have you ever walked over to your closet and become confused by what you are supposed to wear? Looking at all the styles, do you question what is “age appropriate”? While the line continues to be pushed further back and we continue to challenge the establishment with our definition of youth, we may be sending mixed signals to our girls.

When my daughter was six or seven, the spring weather was warming up and it was time to go and find her some new shorts for the coming summer months. After visiting many stores, I could only find shorts with messages written on the backside. Not thinking much of it, I selected the shorts I thought were the cutest and brought them home so she could model for daddy.

My husband’s reaction surprised me as he was adamant that his daughter not wear shorts that had any kind of words on the backside. I was confused at first until he pointed out to me that there is no reason for eyes to be drawn to the bottom of his little girl. I had never thought of it that way, but as a man, he understands how the male mind works and what contributes to putting both girls and men in compromising positions.

I respected and understood his position, but when I attempted to find cute shorts without lettering, I had only one type of short to choose from and I was discouraged. Then, the more I looked around, the more I realized that many of the clothing options available really weren’t appropriate for my daughter to wear. Sure, she was tall for her age, but many of those items were even too “grown up” for girls entering junior high.

The available clothing for young girls has been an ongoing frustration for moms and dads for a while. A featured USAToday blog referred to this trend in 2007. What was most interesting is a comment someone had left referring to parents sewing their own children’s clothing because they can’t find anything appropriate. I have not known anyone to do this but would be interested to know if it is actually happening.

ModestlyYours.net refers to the challenge of finding age appropriate clothing in its blog. A Topix forum welcomes opinions about this topic. One contributor asked if this story was taking place in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. While that is an interesting observation, I don’t think what is going on here is an example of repression of women, but instead objectification of our daughters.

Like it or not, people will judge you and your daughters based on how you dress. If you have a strong desire for your daughter to grow to be respected and to respect herself, start with her clothing.

Holiday Shopping

Have you ever had the experience of walking through a big box retailer or discount store and found yourself having to get out of the way of an employee because they are too engaged in conversation with another employee or they simply expect you to move because you are in the way?

In our market, there is a marked difference in the customer service displayed between the Wal-Mart and Target stores. In Wal-mart, I have often experienced the put off attitude of a store employee who believes, or at least acts as though my mere presence is an inconvenience. When shopping in Target however, I have often encountered employees who not only are courteous, but often inquire whether or not I am finding what I need.

Now, I realize that the economy as of late is driving many of our purchase decisions, but is the pressure enough to tolerate poor service in order to pay the lower price? Is it beneficial in the long run to reward the poor performer with our purchase dollars?

MoneyInstructor.com has a great article that offers five steps to customer service. While each step is pretty thorough and may not apply to the store employee in every instance, the basic principals of being friendly, honest and professional apply no matter the location.

As we are on just about to embark on the busiest shopping season of the year, many of us will find ourselves in stores more often than usual, encountering more store employees. Is it important enough to you to choose a store according to the level of service you get or do you demand quality service and respect before you will spend your money? Post a comment below and tell me what you think.

Accountability

There is often reference among every generation that the one following it is so much worse than the one before in terms of manners, education, respect, etc. While in some cases this may be true, it isn’t always fair to categorize people all into one category. I, for instance, do not want to be looked at as a member of Generation X, embracing all of its shortcomings. Instead, I prefer to create my own mistakes and my own faults to make the unique me.

I don’t believe that my parents would ever disagree with the assumption that I am my own person and rarely chose to go the way of the masses just because everyone else is. Those of you reading this blog may tend to disagree since I am in fact writing a blog. I take the position that this really only highlights the fact that while I am very independent, I am no fool and will leverage an opportunity when one presents itself.

After that lengthy disclaimer, I am now going to contradict myself.

While enjoying a recent Rotary luncheon, our group was listening to the men’s basketball coach from the local university talk about his career, the way he picks his teams, how he produces a winning team and what contributes to a losing season. He was interesting, but nothing he had said in the first 10 minutes was exactly groundbreaking.

It was a turn in his presentation when he mentioned a notable change he was seeing in his players – a lack of accountability. This caught my attention as I sometimes think that I am the only one that has noticed this in young people. If you don’t believe that this is missing in a great number of kids today, take a day and substitute for a teacher in your local school and aim for around sixth grade or so.

Despite what we believed were good intentions, too many of us well-meaning parents have raised kids who believe that everything should be handed to them, nothing is ever their fault and there are no consequences for any actions. While we expect to see this in our five-year olds, shouldn’t they have outgrown it by the time they reach college?

There is a common saying in our house: “He made me…” or “She did this and so I…” I would like to be able to say that this is only from our children, but the reality is that everyone of us has fallen into the “It’s not my fault!” trap. Our practiced response? “Who made the choice to behave the way that you behaved?”

If we focus on ensuring that our children never experience the consequences of their choices (both good and bad), how do we expect them to flourish in a world that operates on the assumption of cause and effect? Do you really want your son or daughter incapable of achieving success on their own because you have blocked the impact of their consequences?

Check back as we continue to explore the concept of accountability and the far-reaching impact when we drop the ball.

How Respect Impacts Our Kids in School

Having filled in as a substitute teacher for many years within my children’s elementary school, I have watched many of the children in our community grow from cute kindergartners with untied shoelaces to awkward pre-teens entering junior high school.

What probably amazes me the most is that so many of these kids have somewhere learned that respect is not a necessary aspect of their life and therefore, they do not need to show it to anyone, including themselves.

We live today in a world of political correctness. We insist that we use certain terms to ensure that we do not offend anyone, but we fail to teach our kids to show respect to their teachers. How does this happen? By example. The minute we show a lack of respect for that teacher in the presence of our child, we have given them the green light to do the same.

Perhaps it would be more fitting to replace “lack of respect” with “bullying”. In schools, teachers and administrators are cracking down on those kids who are labeled as bullies. The use of this word gets the attention of parents when their child is in the line of fire.

In a recent issue of Climate of Respect, a poignant story of outright bullying is displayed. In this clear language it is easy to see that bullying was taking place with one student as the target. But, the bigger issue is that there was a climate of disrespect where this behavior was being tolerated because the adults in the situation were unaware.

There appears to be several organizations focused on a mission of empowering schools to bring respect back to the classroom. Youth Frontiers is one such organization with a firm mission to bring respect for others, teachers and self back to schools in America. While this is a quality program with a clear focus, one question is looming – why is it necessary?

Why have parents left it up to the schools to teach children how to behave and properly interact with each other? Parenting is hard, yes, but why make it harder by failing to set rules and boundaries for children?

As we continue to move along in our focus on bringing back respect, we will aim to provide you with the tools necessary to examine your methods at home and create an environment where respect is a priority.

Moms Who Drop the Ball

Attending one of my son’s baseball games years ago brought up an area that gets my blood boiling: moms who fail to demand respect from their kids.

In this particular situation, the mom couldn’t get her five-year old son to obey her, so she brought her husband over to do it. The husband – who was also the father – repeated what the mom had asked of the child, yet failed to enforce it. The result was the young boy continued to do what mom had asked him not to in the first place, completely ignoring the instruction from both parents.

Sure, there are a lot of things that should have been done differently in this situation. And, it doesn’t take a professional in the field to recognize that if mom and dad were consistent at home, the act of not listening would not be tolerated in public, either. But, the main issue in this isolated incident was that mom failed to demand and get respect from her son.

I don’t subscribe to the belief that parents must first earn the respect of their children. When we bring babies into this world, we must teach them to respect us from day one. For moms in particular, if that respect is not taught and then expected out of their children, those same children will grow to lack respect for all adults.

My dad gave me some of the best advice I ever received when my son was just shy of his third birthday. We were eating out and my son did not want to listen to me, choosing instead to disobey while I was telling him to sit down in his chair at the table. Tired of fighting his against his strong will, I used the “When your daddy gets here” threat to try and get him to behave.

My dad, who was watching the interaction from across the table, chose that moment to speak. He looked right at me and told me that it was my job to teach my son to obey me whether his dad was around or not. He pointed out that one day my son would be bigger than me and if I did not teach and then expect respect while he was little, whether daddy was around or not, I would have a problem on my hands when he was older.

This was not a situation where grandpa was irritated with the grandson – my dad thought my son was the best thing since the remote control. Instead, this was my dad offering me a piece of wisdom he could see I needed. I took his advice and implemented it into my interactions with my son as he grew. It hasn’t been an easy road and I have stumbled many times along the way, but I have a son who shows his mom respect – even if there are a few eye rolls thrown in along the way.

As mothers of sons, it is imperative that we teach our boys how to respect us. It is important not just because we must help them grow to be respectful young men, but also because they will one day be in a position of interacting with a young woman where respect is paramount. Without that strong foundation, we are setting our sons up for failure.

Who is the parent?

I will be the first to tell you that I often pull my hair out in response to the behavior of my children. Try as I might to instill positive values born of a solid Midwestern upbringing, I will still experience the same fits, backtalk and frustration that most parents deal with in the attempt to raise children to be productive and respectful members of society.

Perhaps one of my biggest challenges in this endeavor is dealing with the influences of other people's children. These children are not inherently bad, they just have different boundaries than my children do, or no boundaries at all. Unfortunately, many of the children that influence my children are treated as adults, afforded the same privileges and luxuries than many of us did not experience until we had reached adulthood and could earn them ourselves.

While this is frustrating, we do have to learn to get along with others, right? So, how do you strike a balance between setting your own boundaries in your home and allowing your children to interact with others whose boundaries may not be the same? In reality? One day at a time.

I won't take the position that I know everything when it comes to parenting. In fact, I have made a lot of mistakes and I'm not done raising kids, yet. But, I do see a lot of things going on around us where parents are forgetting that they are the parent and the child is, in fact, a child. It is imperative that we as parents do not befriend our children, but instead teach them how to survive and prosper in a world that does not revolve around them.

Check back soon and we will start to examine some of these common phenomenons and possible methods for bringing respect back to the parent-child relationship.