Moms Who Drop the Ball

Attending one of my son’s baseball games years ago brought up an area that gets my blood boiling: moms who fail to demand respect from their kids.

In this particular situation, the mom couldn’t get her five-year old son to obey her, so she brought her husband over to do it. The husband – who was also the father – repeated what the mom had asked of the child, yet failed to enforce it. The result was the young boy continued to do what mom had asked him not to in the first place, completely ignoring the instruction from both parents.

Sure, there are a lot of things that should have been done differently in this situation. And, it doesn’t take a professional in the field to recognize that if mom and dad were consistent at home, the act of not listening would not be tolerated in public, either. But, the main issue in this isolated incident was that mom failed to demand and get respect from her son.

I don’t subscribe to the belief that parents must first earn the respect of their children. When we bring babies into this world, we must teach them to respect us from day one. For moms in particular, if that respect is not taught and then expected out of their children, those same children will grow to lack respect for all adults.

My dad gave me some of the best advice I ever received when my son was just shy of his third birthday. We were eating out and my son did not want to listen to me, choosing instead to disobey while I was telling him to sit down in his chair at the table. Tired of fighting his against his strong will, I used the “When your daddy gets here” threat to try and get him to behave.

My dad, who was watching the interaction from across the table, chose that moment to speak. He looked right at me and told me that it was my job to teach my son to obey me whether his dad was around or not. He pointed out that one day my son would be bigger than me and if I did not teach and then expect respect while he was little, whether daddy was around or not, I would have a problem on my hands when he was older.

This was not a situation where grandpa was irritated with the grandson – my dad thought my son was the best thing since the remote control. Instead, this was my dad offering me a piece of wisdom he could see I needed. I took his advice and implemented it into my interactions with my son as he grew. It hasn’t been an easy road and I have stumbled many times along the way, but I have a son who shows his mom respect – even if there are a few eye rolls thrown in along the way.

As mothers of sons, it is imperative that we teach our boys how to respect us. It is important not just because we must help them grow to be respectful young men, but also because they will one day be in a position of interacting with a young woman where respect is paramount. Without that strong foundation, we are setting our sons up for failure.