3 Steps to Setting Boundaries

The idea of boundaries has garnered much attention in the media as of late due to the opportunity to drive revenue in the self-help section of the bookstore. We all want to learn how to improve our lives and one area of recommendation is to set boundaries.

Now, I will be the first to admit that after participating in a boundaries class, I was able to improve many of my relationships just because I was provided with the tools to establish where I should allow people in and where I should put up walls or “boundaries.”

More importantly than what I can gain from such ideas is the establishment of boundaries within our home so that our children understand what is accepted and what is not. To do so, there are three simple steps to follow:

1. Establish Rules
2. Determine Consequences for Breaking the Rules
3. Be Consistent in Enforcing Those Rules

If it really is so simple to establish boundaries for kids, why do we so often fail? The most obvious answer is consistency – it is the hardest thing to be as a parent. Unfortunately, being inconsistent as a parent also has the greatest consequences as children will not understand or adhere to your boundaries if they are confused as to what they are or what will happen if they break the rules.

“The Importance of Setting Boundaries,” a piece written by Lorelei McCollough on FamilyMatters.tv highlights the importance of setting boundaries. McCollough clearly defines the benefits delivered to both children and parents when boundaries are set, as well as the real impact on a child when a parent fails to set boundaries – for whatever reason.

About.com also features an article Derek and Gail Randel entitled, “Boundaries: Why are They Needed?” This well-thought piece examines reasons why boundaries are necessary and how parents can go about establishing boundaries to help their children to grow into respectful adults.

Not all boundaries will be the same for every child as rules and values can vary by family. What is important is that the adults in the household establish those boundaries according to their beliefs and value system and adhere to them firmly. By remembering and implementing these three simple steps, you will be on your way to creating a more positive environment for you and your child.