Respect is Consistency

Respect is certainly a concept that is used in a variety of different ways and people have different expectations, depending upon their gender, age, culture, etc. What tends to be a common theme among Americans is that we often want to fall back on respect when it is convenient, but not as a rule.

An Associated Content post examined the art of earning respect as a leader. The author of this piece categorized earning respect according to the segment of the audience. If you are seeking respect from children, you should do A, if you are seeking respect from adults, you should do B.

While this piece is very interesting, if we demonstrate and command respect as an everyday part of our lives, does the audience really make any difference? I wonder instead if the author of this piece is confusing respect with adoration or emulation. Convincing a group of people to follow you is the not the same thing as earning their respect.

Instead, respect is born of consistency and solid character. If a person ensures that their attitude, demands, actions and conversations are controlled and consistent, they are much more likely to earn respect with little effort. Respect is rarely something that has to be demanded, but can be easily earned.

Passing the Buck Won't Cut It

It should be well understood that parents play a significant role in the way their children behave. This is not to say that poor parenting is the cause when a child throws a tantrum in public, although I did believe this until I had my daughter and recognized that some children will act out their emotions no matter what the parent does to prevent it. Instead, it is how the parent reacts to the situation that leads to improvement and growth.

This is not to say that I have perfected this. Instead, I am grateful that we survived the temper tantrum years without too many disruptions of the public peace. I did learn some valuable lessons in the process, the most prominent was that while I couldn't control my daughter's behavior, I could anticipate it if I paid attention. For instance, if she was overly tired, we were sure to have an episode.

In our busy lives today, it is difficult to slow down enough to pick up on the cues that our children give us, but they are there. Instead, we often find ourselves relying on others to pick up our slack and then wonder where things went wrong.

I found an excellent piece written by Dom Giordano and posted in the Parent Society blog. While the piece was titled, "Battling Bratty Behavior", the idea of parents passing the buck can be applied anywhere a child displays less than a desirable disposition. What I like about this piece is that it puts responsibility back on the parents for their role in parenting their children.

Sure, we can blame television, movies, books, teachers, other children, etc. for the way our children behave. And, yes, they will pick up on some very exasperating attitudes and habits if left unchecked. The reality is that parents MUST understand that it is their job to provide guidance to their kids so they know how to handle these things. Children are not adults and they cannot navigate this complex world on their own.

Click here to check out what Giordano has to say about respect. I know you will find it worth our time.

Should Respect be Given to Teens?

How often do we assume that respect and teenagers are never synonymous? I’m sure many of us can name more than one occasion when we came across a teenager that we assumed was from another planet, given their behavior. If you look around at their peers, chances are that their behavior is more common that we care to believe.

I came across a Telepictures Blog where visitors were encouraged to share their thoughts about what I assume was a program concerning parents and respect. What was alarming was not the topic of the show itself, but rather the numerous parents who wrote into this site to ask why their teenagers were treating them so poorly or what they should be doing differently.

At this stage of development for teens, they are doing everything they can to determine where exactly they fit in this very big world. If we as parents have failed to act as their guide along the way, they will reach this time in their lives confused, angry and lashing out at – guess who?

One interesting perspective was found on the Trouble With website. This site is part of the Focus on the Family organization and it features an advice-type page. This particular question focused on parents respecting teens, yet struggling with the teen not respecting the parents.

There is a valid point when a teen claims that they are not being respected. The challenge is how to identify when a teen truly deserves respect when you are frustrated with their attitude towards you. Too often, we get so wrapped up in trying to fix the attitude, we cannot see the person inside crying out for space and identity.

This is an area we will continue to explore as it is not a completely cut and dry issue, but instead one to share our experiences, failures and successes in order to make an impact.